God and grief

I had a hard time sleeping last night in the wake of the events at Sandy Hook Elementary yesterday. Lying in my bed, with my sweet little girl sleeping soundly in her room and an acrobatic little boy causing a ruckus in my ever-growing belly, I couldn't help but feel a small amount of the grief that the parents, family, and friends of the victims must be feeling. While I truly can't fathom what they are going through, I know that in this life, my greatest treasure is the ones I love.

I tend to battle anxiety and a lack of peace, so as I prayed for the families and thanked God for my own sweet little ones, I also had to ask God for a reminder of His heavenly perspective. It's very easy for me to give in to feelings of anxiety and fear, and yet, I know that dwelling there is opposed to the abundant life God promises us in Jesus Christ in John 10:10. I believe that His heart is also broken for these events. For the gaping hole in those families their precious babies used to fill. For the many, many loved ones who lost child and adult yesterday. For the loss people around the world are feeling every day as they endure crisis and tragedy.

We are not overlooked in our need. We are not abandoned to the evil that surrounds us. We are, however, temporarily inhabiting a world in desperate need of the Jesus of the gospel. In my own heart, I felt God gently reminding me that just as He loves and cares for me, He loves and cares for others. My job is not to protect my children from every evil and harm (although I would die doing my very best) or to control every aspect of their life and formation. My job is to love and serve a perfect, all-knowing, gracious God to the very best of my ability each and every day. I am here for the glory of God and to spread the name of Jesus Christ, not to build myself a tidy kingdom here on earth.

As the goodness of the gospel of Jesus' salvation continues to permeate my heart, I am asking that God would continue to give me perspective that outweighs my own limited sight. Too often I judge and condemn others without viewing them as beloved children God has already called, or desires to call His own. This world will bring trouble, but it is not our home. I don't have answers, and I do not wish to trivialize in any way the suffering endured here and now. I can only look to Jesus to fill the void I feel when I am overcome by the weight of such evil. Now, the words of 2 Corinthians 4:16-17 are comforting to me; I hope that you also find comfort in the message of the gospel of Jesus.

¹⁶ Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. ¹⁷ For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. ¹⁸ So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.